Daughters in law: the vanquished souls.

The dreams are concealed

The emotions are bottled up

The actions are restrained

The wishes are quashed

The wings are clipped

The new bride is deadened.

A young woman steps into a new household with lots of good hopes, starting a new life away from her loved ones, sometimes she travels thousands of miles to an unknown location with her man whom she believes the most. The young bride smells the love, the newness, the romance, the trust , all the goods which could be on this earth.  She tries to settle down at the new home- listens to all the instructions the supreme powered woman-the mother-in-law throws at her. The supreme lady is very often projected as the ‘goddess” whom every creature of in-law household respects and obeys. Father in law, brother in law, sis in law join the gang to describe the new laws, liking, disliking, should be, should not be and the list remains endless. The new husband- the obedient son enjoys the new smell of anew life, laughs away and most of the time tries to be a dutiful son. Days pass  by, the faults of the new bride starts accumulating as the little faults too are unforgivable – she forgets her liking, disliking. She starts losing confidence, her inhibitions multiplies. She starts missing her days when she was treated like a princess- her dreams, her hobbies, her passions, her me-time disfigures. She wonders about the quality of human beings!! She learns about cruelty, hatred, jealousy, greed, anger . Her soul gets vanquished slowly and either she lives like a dead  or dies with the wish of never born again.

This is the plight of  the most of  daughters in law living in India. It doesn’t matter whether she is rich or poor, educated or uneducated. The societal norms are structured in such a way the pretty bride had to suffer. Exceptional cases are very few or negligible. Many articles are written, many suggestions are floated- but a solution is blurred. Why don’t the system of patriarchy  change to the other way around? Let the son come to the bride’s house and show the capability of adjustment? Let the daughters follow the instructions of her own mother. Let the daughters take the responsibilities of their ailing parents. Let the system change for at least few years and let all the daughters who pretend to be very caring for their parents and always find faults with their sisters in law take the responsibilities of their parents to show the world that they are the selfless creatures!! Better practice the preaching.

My intention is not to blame all MILs and commend all DILs. I know exceptions exist but limited. My anguish goes out for those ladies also who neither look after their in laws nor their parents as most of the time these ladies are busy with their own lives either in India or in abroad.

My intention is to instigate a debate among the readers for a suitable solution. Let the solution come after decades but why not we start thinking and acting to build a positive society?



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