Proclivity yesterday and confess today! Great! Confess – bad habits or quality.
I don’t have any bad habits- no addictions. I was good and am good. How it sounds and what it means? That I cannot do any wrong, tried to excel in life, always. If a person claims to be so good then can that person be called as human beings? I don’t think so.
In my childhood, I was like that, never committed wrong and if I did, I never confessed. I tried to prove that I was right justifying my every action. If anyone tried to find out my fault I used to get angry and start crying especially if the fault was found out by my dad. I was good in Mathematics, but also fond of reading story books. I was so addicted to reading that sometimes my mom used to scold me fearing I might have to have a spectacle soon and I will get very obese as reading continuously reduces all physical activities. My sisters were getting angry as I never shared household works with them. When mom used to complain I never confessed my fault before my dad, rather I showed him my Maths book full of solved problems very neatly, dad never could knew how fast I filled that book. Now, all memories, neither of my parents are alive nor we sisters stay together under the same roof. The sweetest memories of childhood are filled with denials rather than confessions.
As I grew up, I discovered the severe pressure of being excellent in all aspect has caused me anxieties and as a result, I can not control my emotions. Especially when I get angry, it is very difficult I control myself. I get perturbed by every kind of wrongdoings, injustice, let it be very small but I don’t have that capability to ignore it, and this I consider as my proclivity. This has caused me many harms but I could not change myself.
Yes, I do confess but in front of God only or I seek blue, look up to the sky. If I know I did no wrong but everybody blames me for being stupid or undiplomatic then there is no other way but only that Almighty who comes to rescue. So, I prefer to confess in front of Him not on social media 🙂 or not in front of anybody but to my own soul, my own God.
I love to be myself, I am me.